No, I'm serious. Daily! So, I've decided that once a week, I'm going to share a story of total hilariousness. The way I've learned to tell stories is from my dear sweet mother. Which means that they're very detailed. Probably too detailed, but you'll just have to deal with it. Bear with me. It's worth it. :) Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you don't think my stories are funny. This just means that you might not have a sense of humor, in which case, come spend a week with me and you'll get one..
For my first story, I've decided to just put it all out there. If you're a good friend of mine, you know this story all too well, because we've even made inside jokes and actions to it. I'm sorry if you find this offensive-you probably will. I know I did when it happened to me.
A couple years ago I was in Florida with my girl, Kitty, and we decided that it would be a good day to go to the pool. We were staying in a condo in her parents neighborhood, and it wasn't too far away. Side note-we drove a tricked out golf cart through the neighborhood to the pool and when we got there, a bee got stuck in my hair right next to my ear and I was screaming, "KITTY GET IT OUT, KITTTYYY!!!" And she just swatted the air once and ran away from me. In her defense, I would have done the same thing. And now we laugh about it until we cry, so in a way, I'm really glad that she did that. But if the bee would have stung my face...different story...
Anyways. Back to the story-it was the most beautiful, hot, sunny day in the history of all of Florida. We got into the pool with our ice waters and sat on the edge chatting for a while. We were the only people in the pool until this older woman came in for a dip. (For those of you who know this story-Joe just said, "a DOUBLE dip..."Hahaa!!!!) We smiled at her and went back to our intellectual conversation about why we hate birds-we were in the pool on the edge-I was facing towards the pool and Kitty was facing out of the pool, which meant that I had a view of the older woman who was swimming. Not that I was looking, she was just in view.
In the middle of our convo, I noticed that this woman had stopped swimming and was just standing in the middle of the pool staring out into space. She then proceeded to take her top down, exposing herself and went dipping her breasts one by one, over and over, into the pool!! I looked at her in TOTAL disbelief. And then she looked at me. And kept. Dipping. Are you serious?? Was I really seeing this?? Who would do that? WHY would you do that? How could you think that doing that is ok?? I could write so much more about what was going through my mind, but it's too awkward for me to talk about. So...all the while, Kitty's still talking and I HAD to interrupt her. In the softest voice I could use in my state of shock, I started saying, "Kitty, look behind you. Kitty look. Kitty look now oh my goodness, Kitty. Kitty Please look, oh man, Kitty, oh my goodness..."
I think Kitty knew that looking behind her would inevidably be a very bad idea that would have scarred her for life. She made a very good decision in that moment, and she didn't look. I wish I would have been in her position, because then I wouldn't have this memory of a woman dippng her breasts in and out of the pool while making eye contact with me BURNED into my BRAIN for the rest of my life!
To this day, I still have NO idea why someone would do what this woman did. There is really no reason to do it. To go dipping yourself like that. In a public pool. I can't even imagine that it would feel good. I don't know, I've never tried. Maybe I should.
One of my friends summed up the story with these words that just ring true to my heart.
"Whattaya think a THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE????"
The End.
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